


花は桜 君は美し

by FluffyFyuu



Series: musings of dreams / songfic collection [3]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Broken Friendship, Funeral, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Songfic, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:26:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23163226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FluffyFyuu/pseuds/FluffyFyuu
Summary: The cherry blossoms are beautiful, just as Minseok was and will always be.
Relationships: mentioned XiuBaek, one-sided!XiuChen
Series: musings of dreams / songfic collection [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1642378
Kudos: 7





	花は桜 君は美し

**Author's Note:**

> I know the song is rather hopeful, but my writer’s heart can’t help but turn it into angst.

* * *

The flowers are cherry blossoms, you are beautiful.

The spring's light shines through green leaves, your smile.

Winter is over, the snow has melted.

In your heart spring has arrived.

...

Waiting for me, your umbrella is still opened at the station.

花は桜 君は美し by いきものがかり

* * *

Rain splatters against the windows, drawing glinting lines onto the cold glass - long translucent fingers reach out and distort his view. The few clear glimpses of a town’s scenery behind the glass have a lump form in his throat, the town didn’t change at all since he last visited. Unsettling familiar white and grey houses fly past, blurring together and creating an untouchable weight on his already tense shoulders. The closer the train gets to the station, the more colourful patches of raincoats and umbrellas mix into the shapeless haze flying by. 

The town might look as busy as he remembers, but Jongdae knows – something is missing.  _ Someone _ .

It’s spring, the last remnants of snow are melting, getting washed away by the rain. The sky is darkened with rumbling clouds and their never-ending downpour tints the world a gloomy shade of grief. The weather forecast said the rain won’t stop soon, burying any hopeful energy for the next days. Jongdae thinks it’s only fitting, considering the situation. The depressing sight expresses the ache in his heart, heavy clouds taking on crying for him. His burning eyes aren’t able to produce tears any longer.

He almost didn’t recognize the voice on the other end of the phone call a few weeks ago, it sounded strained and the other was suppressing sobs. The sound was familiar though, stirring a painful vision of a goodbye in his mind. How Baekhyun had cried and hugged him, his own eyes locked with feline ones as a last goodbye before leaving the town for good, with a broken heart longing to be put back together.

He should have forgotten the sound of Baekhyun crying, as he vowed to himself almost five years ago. But Jongdae didn’t, instead, he responded to the other’s choked question with a “ _ Yes, I’ll be there. _ ”

After the call, memories resurfaced during the following days and had him bite his lips whenever the quick flashes of the past came to his mind. Hugs of Baekhyun and Minseok, the sun blinding down onto them and their lips stretched into an even brighter smile despite the grey houses surrounding them. Drunken nights out, keeping a hold of each other not to stumble and fall. Watching Baekhyun play his computer games, commenting and teasing him about his moves together with Minseok. Rain falling and creating soothing melodies of  _ pitter-patter _ whenever raindrops met Minseok’s blue umbrella, while they walked home after his Hyung waited for him at the train station. Afternoons spent strolling alongside fresh fields of grass with Baekhyun, his dog and Minseok, seeing the sun filter through bright green leaves when they passed the local forest.

But the memory which cut into his heart the most, was of a spring day spend without Baekhyun, only with Minseok. The picture of the older standing beneath blooming cherry blossoms, his hair dyed a gentle shade of silver and glinting under the sun’s pattern shining through the petite leaves - it had Jongdae’s heart jump out of his chest. His own stuttered words caused Minseok to blush and with a smile, he held his hand out for Jongdae to take. He remembers taking a hold of it, cherishing the warmth and closeness of his friend, his first love.

“I want to grasp your hand one more time, don’t I?”

It’s only a whisper now, the sting in his heart dull and familiar. He looks at his fingers, not able to remember how Minseok’s hand felt in his. Regret and shame nestled into his being ever since he left, black and heavy thoughts dragging him down whenever Jongdae thinks of the past. He did this to himself, he ruined the chance of holding Minseok - fleeing the town instead of facing his emotions. Oh, what a coward he is. He regrets not telling Minseok how he felt back then, that he failed to muster the courage to confess to him until it was too late.

Jongdae knows, he was blinded by his own infatuation to notice how Baekhyun looked at Minseok, how both of them exchanged secret conversations with a single eye-contact. That Minseok’s reactions to Baekhyun’s teasing grew fonder and softer with each day, until playful pokes got answered with kisses. He remembers days spend crying, how his fake smiles failed to keep his heart from shattering each time he saw them hug - or caught them  _ making out _ . How his eyes burned everytime Jongdae expressed his support, secretly wishing for them to notice his pain through their rose-coloured haze. But they didn’t and Jongdae was too much of a coward to talk about it.

_ “You want to go back to that place in time, don’t you?” _

It’s an echo in his head, a once sweet voice now drenched in sombre tones - regret at its roots. Ashamed of himself longing to change what’s happened in the past, Jongdae doesn’t answer. He should have acted differently, should have talked to them and not let distance separate their befriended hearts. Jongdae should have told them, should have given himself time to accept and learn to heal, to allow himself to be happy for them. But he didn’t. Instead, Jongdae left their town to accept that job offer he originally was reluctant to accept and like the heartbroken coward he is, phone calls got fewer until text messages declined and vanished completely.

And then Baekhyun had called. 

Giving him a reason to return, one Jongdae would prefer not to exist. But here he is, gathering his backpack to get off the train and step onto the platform to face his past. They said to meet at “their usual place” - the thought stings, Jongdae doesn’t feel like he deserves to call the spot next to the stairs like that anymore. It’s still raining, puddles collect on the grey tiles of the platform and Jongdae has to evade one in front of the train’s door. His legs are too short though and the edge of his shoe ends up drenched in water. He looks up with a wince, gaze flitting to the stairs and uneasiness squeezing his heart.

Baekhyun is clad solely in black and holds an umbrella above his head, protecting his dull brown hair. The sight has Jongdae’s heart cry out, remembering Minseok waiting for him there with the exact same umbrella. Its dark blue colour glints under the artificial lighting of the stairs, surface wet and raindrops jumping off of it. Minseok had smiled at Jongdae in his memory, but now everything Baekhyun can muster is a nod of his head. His skin appears ashen, dark eyebags distracting from the hollow look in his eyes. Their greeting is short and quiet, a painful shadow of the past. Baekhyun leads him to a car, evading puddles on the way and his forlorn face is mirrored on the grey water. Jongdae doesn’t raise his gaze to get a closer look at Baekhyun during the drive and looks outside instead, watching the dull haze blur past them once more. His heart squeezes tightly and the lump in his throat grows, creating an ache in his lungs with each breath of air.

Everything that follows is fuzzy, his mind not focusing as expected. Jongdae thought his shame would force him to see beyond the grey fog of memories the town reminds him of, to pierce his being with nostalgic pain when he spots the things he’s left behind with a painful clarity. But the second the car stops in front of the cemetery, his mind goes blank. Faces, Jongdae knows he should recognize, are only empty canvases to him and voices turn into white noise in his ears. His hands are sweaty despite the cold and his shoes are uncomfortably wet from the rain, each breath is ragged and strained due to the lump in his throat. Jongdae can only stare at the picture of Minseok, the sight of his gummy smile, reddened plush cheeks and piercing cat-eyes breaking his heart anew. Wounds he thought are healed open up again, bleeding alongside the ever-present regret. It  _ hurts _ . It hurts, but there are no thoughts left in his numb mind.

He doesn’t register when the funeral speech ends, body and mind frozen for several minutes. Somehow Jongdae ends up in front of the cemetery again, he doesn’t know where Baekhyun is. The rain is still pouring down onto earth and Jongdae can’t remember how the umbrella got into his hands - it’s translucent, revealing the grey clouds above when he looks up. There is an emptiness in his heart, his eyes burning but no tears join the raindrops’ trickling down onto his umbrella. Jongdae’s eyes widen when something lands on its clear surface, sliding down with the rain and showing a soft rose colour. His gaze follows its descend onto the muddy ground, stunned at how the flower petal swirls and lands on a puddle, next to other tender blossoms. The light of the street lamp shines onto the reflecting surface, highlighting the little waves of the fall and how the other gentle cherry blossoms float on them. The flowers huddle close, sticking together during this grey weather and their rose-colour seems too bright. It reminds him of a hand stretched out, plush lips forming a tender smile and precious cheeks reddening beneath blooming trees of cherry blossoms. His heart stings at the beauty of the blushed colour. Beautiful.

Jongdae breathes in the gloomy spring air, his sigh burns.

* * *


End file.
